I write a lot about marriage. I love every aspect of nurturing and sustaining a healthy marriage. One important aspect is intimacy. And yes, intimacy can be pretty broad as well, but today I am talking about sex. I’ve been a little hesitant to write articles about sex, but it is so important and nothing to be ashamed of.
The fact of the matter is that generally men can get in the mood pretty easily. For women, it takes a bit more creativity. A good husband doesn’t want his wife to just get it over with. He wants her to want it. He wants her to feel as sexy as he thinks she is. He wants her to be in the mood. But how?
I’m sure you’ve heard advice like “doing the dishes is the sexiest thing a man can do,” or “sex starts in the morning.” I believe this is somewhat true, but a careless comment or a thoughtless deed can blow that slow burning candle off in one second. So here are 10 ways to get her in the mood…tonight!
1. Plan a good chunk of time. If you want your wife to really get there, she needs time. And do not give me the excuse of kids. My husband and I have four kids who LOVE to be all up in our business – especially when we need some alone time. But guess what? You don’t need to hide it from them. Now obviously we don’t tell our children exactly what we are doing, but it’s not uncommon for us to tell them that we need some alone time and that we will be in our room for a while. As they get older, they will figure it out, but that’s okay too. Sex should not be taboo. Of course it’s easier after the kids are in bed, so just plan on a good amount of time to woo your wife.
2. Create the atmosphere. If your bedroom is a chaotic mess it’s distracting. Your wife will be much more likely to focus on you and getting in the mood if your bedroom is clean. Light some candles or dim the lights. Create a sexy playlist and turn on the tunes. It might seem cheesy, but it makes a world of difference.
3. Listen. Ask her about her day and really listen. Don’t try to fix anything. Put the phone away and look her in the eyes. If she’s down, be sympathetic. If she’s happy, be excited for her. Be genuinely interested in the small things that matter.
4. Touch her, but not like that. No seriously – not like that! At least not yet. If she’s not aroused, groping her will definitely not get her there. In fact, it will most likely do the exact opposite. So be gentle and loving. Give her a shoulder rub or tickle her back. Casually play with her hair. Hold her hand. These subtle gestures will not go unnoticed.
5. Tell her she’s amazing. And try to keep it non-physical. I mean, she wants to feel beautiful, not like a porn-star. What makes her a great mom? A great friend? A great wife? The more specific, the better.
6. Talk about sex. This is something you should be doing regularly. I’m amazed at how many couples actually don’t talk about sex. Tell her your expectations and ask her about hers. You should know each other intimately. Also, talk about sex when you want it. Surprises are fun, but sometimes it helps her to plan on it so she can help herself get in the mood mentally.
7. Ask her what turns her on. Have you ever done this? The first time my husband asked me, I actually had to stop and think. She may already know, and she may not. It could be anything from how you dress to how you touch her. Or, it could be all mental. Does she have any fantasies? Help her to really dig deep. She should know what turns her on. It helps so much.
8. Kiss her, passionately. And not just when you’re ready to hit the bedroom. Kiss her passionately when you get home from work. Kiss her passionately every single day.
9. Role-play. Sometimes change can be good. Role-play can be a great way to spice things up. Maybe you can act out her wildest fantasy. And if that’s just too cheesy for either of you, try a mental role-play. You don’t have to act out anything, but just let your mind go crazy.
10. When you think foreplay is done, it’s not. Remember, it takes time to get her in the mood. When you feel ready, keep going. When she says she’s ready, keep going. When you both feel ready, keep going. Eventually, she won’t be able to wait any longer.
These tips are not a quick fix for scoring in the bedroom. In fact, if you are sincere about it, they will also make you a better husband. And there’s nothing better than a good husband to get her in the mood.